KNOTTY BOY E-ZINE   |   OCTOBER 2004   |   HALLOWEEN EDITION

T'was a dark and stormy night. A branch of the gnarled, old tree outside is scraping ominously against your window. Suddenly a strange light begins to flash somewhere in your room - from the direction of your desk. "Great Caesar’s ghost, what the H is that?...", you breathe out loud to yourself. Your eyes are bulging with fright as you stare at the computer screen glowing eerily in the dark* flash, flash, flash* *gasp!* ‘You have one new message from" You feel a bloodcurdling scream rising in your throat - Oh no, please no, for the love of marshmallow ghosts and candy corn! It’s.. IT’S...

Hey, did we scare ya did we did we did we?? No?

Oh.

Well, nightmare-before-Christmas-on-a-cracker we say! Knotty Boy is back again anyway with a bunch of Halloween do’s and don’ts, news, costume ideas and MORE.!

But before we move on to all that wiggity-weeny stuff, we’d like to start off by filling you in with what’s been going down here at the House of Knotty. Read on, McDuff!

---- Knotty News ----

Hempfest 2004!

KnottyBrianna (KB sales tycoon) and KnottySacha (delightful apparel model slash current Lock Shop and Salon commander) returned recently from an adventure-filled trip to the Seattle HempFest. Could more have gone wrong? From Jervais losing her passport and Sacha quickly stepping in like the angel that she is, to having to cross the border - count it - FIVE times, to having to defend their tent that was completely held together with duct-tape supplied by their burly neighbors from www.exoticzombie.com, from gusts of winds that could whup Mary Poppins’ arse, to paying toughies in leather jackets just to hold their parking spot, to one of their main boxes of product not showing up - hey, they still had a riot and came home in good spirits! The best part for them was chatting with all the Knotty kids that came down to visit and pick up gear and product, despite the torrential rain. Thanks to all that did - Knotty kids rock!

In the Media

The December-January edition of YM Magazine will have a feature on Knotty Boy - wahoo! We hear our little Knotty Boy can’t wait to find out if hot pink is ‘out’ or ‘in’ this winter, which zany child-celebs are in rehab this month, and the latest make-up tips like what to do if you ingest too much lip gloss (ed. drink milk - drink lots of milk.) YM - a great little rag for any boys out there looking for a secret window into everything that girls love (not ourselves, our little 14 y.o. bodies are way too fat) and for learning about how girls think (surprise, we don’t! tee hee!).

ahem - Moving on, before we’ve completely bitten off the hand that feeds us... Do check us out in that issue, just for the gabba gabba hey of it.

There was also a little blurb done about us in the New York Metro - Best Bets section last month that can be seen at this link: http://www.newyorkmetro.com/content/04/wk35/bestbets_040825.htm

We were delighted by this little surprise! Yay for free publicity!

New Knotty Sponsored Kid
Freerider Dylan Tremblay!

Knotty Boy proudly presents to you our newest sponsored kid, 23 year old freeride mountain biker Dylan Tremblay from here in Vancouver. Dylan’s great, his dreads are sooper, and he totally defies gravity… there was no way Knotty Boy could say no. Dylan was also recently on a thirteen-episode TV series called Dropin that you can check out here at www.dropintv.com. The pics are rad.

So if you’re looking for a sport that is challenging, fun, and bloody frickin dangerous, check out freeride mountain biking!

Dylan Trembley’s 5 simple steps on how to make everyone believe that you’re a cycling bum:

1) Sleep on couches wherever you can.

2) Go to the Sally-Ann for free lunches.

3) Sell bike parts to buy food.

4) Find shady side jobs.

5) Grow some shaggy hair or dreads.

Welcome to Knotty Boy, Dyl-pickle!

(Yes, we think the word ‘weeny’ is funny - you noticed..)

 The Knotty Boy Do’s and Don’ts of Halloween 

Do’s:

1) Partake! Age is no excuse to not dress-up or go trick-or-treating!

2) Incorporate your dreads into your costume, or dread your hair for the
    first time and go as a good-fer-nothin’ free-loadin’ hippy - hey, the
    candy IS free, after all. Hook it up!

3) Always tell your parents where you’re going, even if they live in New
    York and you live in Montana.

4) Keep all candy AWAY from your dreads, especially that juicy Double
    Bubble that one minute tastes really good and the next minute tastes
    like total crap, or that melted toffee that always tastes like total crap.

5) If you are going to get up to any Halloween hijinx, cover up those
    dreads so you’re not easily identifiable - but we’re only supporting
    HARMLESS knottiness, let that be clear!

6) Use epoxy costume glue in a ventilated room, and keep your dreads
    out of it for obvious reasons. The results could be either funny,
    disastrous or both. Mostly funny.

7) Look into getting some synthetic dreads tied into your locks if you
    want crazy Halloweenie colour on your head, instead of dyes.

8) Use wire to make dreads stick up instead of gelatin or other gooey
    hair products that can leave serious build-up in your dreads.

9) Have fun!

Don’ts:

1) Dress up like a pimp or a ho. Grossest, saddest and most tasteless
    costume ever. And we don’t wanna hear anything about us being too
    PC, alright? Not promoting violence against women is not being too
    PC - think about what it is you’re advocating, ok? OK, sermon’s over.

2) Use food colouring or Kool-Aid to color your dreads… big mess and it’ll
    never come out completely!

3) Cut off your dreads in the name of a costume. As if you would - psh.

4) Put glitter in your dreads, unless you want to be a walking
    glitter-shower for the next six months. Just try to get it out!

5) Toilet paper your teachers house… yeah, they always catch ya.

6) Set off fire-crackers or light bonfires near your dreads. Helllooo
    flaming ropes of hair right next to your face!

7) Dye your dreads a crazy colour with temporary dyes if you only want it
    for one day. Takes ages to get out, as with food coloring and
    Kool-Aid. Try syth-dreads instead!

And, of course, to successfully steal candy from children, you need to be heartless, ill-tempered, and totally confident in your child-robbing abilities. Mostly ill-tempered.

Having said that, let’s move on to...

Here’s the result of some serious Knotty brainstorming to try to put together costumes and dreadlocks that will, at LEAST, go on a blind date with each other. Roit, then! On to the cossies, mate.

The Knotty Boy himself, of course!: 
Get some patchy jeans, a little t’shirt with a 7 on it and bare feet and go as our own beloved Knotty Boy. Aw!

Medusa: 
Borrow a stuffed unicorn, wrap up in a sheet for a toga, and thread some wire into those dreads. Ta da! Instant snake-headed goddess. Don’t poke your eye out!

The Marley: 
Hey, its "classic", not ‘cliché’. Pay some homage to the one and only by walking around with a guitar singing Bob songs.

*Word of the night: Ja-FAKE-an.* Unless you actually are from Jamaica.

Sideshow Bob from Simpsons: 
Another easy Bob costume.

Spider head: 
Huge googley spider eyes fixed to the front of your dreads, and a piece of wire sticking up from the middle like a spider thread. Too much of a stretch?

Pippi Longstocking: 
The Pipster rules. All you need is red dreads (or not), braiding ability, sturdy wire, freckles, stripy socks and a mischievous twinkle in your eye. Oh, and a horse. And a monkey called Mr. Nilsson. OK, maybe this one’s too hard.

Rob Zombie: 
FUN! ‘electric head - its in your head’ Go crazy.

A pineapple: 
Put your dreads up in a high ponytail and um...

Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas: 
Long dreads, huge fake eyes and eyelashes, stitches on your face and rag dress is all you need to complete this excellent costume.

Total over-the-top goth: 
Corsets, fishnets, shiny boots - oh my! Unless you are already one Then ‘dressing up’ for you would be…

Just-Not-George protestor: 
Dreads pretty much signify that you and Boy-George are not exactly on the same page in terms of world issues. Combine this with a dreadful friend going as A Big Can o’ Worms. heh heh.

Anime character: 
You know they love the dreads!

Angelina in ‘Gone in 60 Seconds’: 
Lots of leather, snarls, pouts and bad one-liners. Hey, maybe no one else will know who you are, but you will… and that’s alllll that matters.

Cave man/Cave woman: 
The original dreadlock sporters?

Xtina: 
If you can stand yourself for the night - remember, girls, "You are beautiful, no matter what they say"

Others: 
trees (use wire), mermaids, upside-down mops, Raggedy Ann and Andys, Rainbow Brights - *pant pant pant* Your turn!

And SO, in exchange for us doing all the thinking for you, you lazy butts, its ONLY fair that you send us pics of yourself dressed up, to go in our November Knotty Boy eZine! A deal’s a deal!

And lastly but not leastly, its time for our sooper

- Halloween Give-Away! -

Ok, this is the deal of the century – no lie, dawg. Swing for $40-worth of our good KB lovin’, and we’ll throw in a FREE cozy, buttery-soft long sleeve t’shirt, just in time for the fall chills and snowboarding season coming up. Just try to find a long sleeve t under $50 these days!

SO! When you order $40 or more of our stuff from www.knottyboy.com (that’s not including shipping, smarty farty.), just paste the following text into the Comments section of your order form:

"I’m an eZiner! Please warm me up for the winter with a (choose black or white) ol’ school KB long sleeve t in size (choose m/os for women, L or XL unisex). Free clothes are the best clothes!"

Enjoy your free t’s - we know you’ll love ‘em!

Once again, we’ve come to the close of another terribly hilarious and dreadfully informative eZine if we do say so ourselves. Hope you’ve enjoyed it - thanks for reading! And please keep in touch with us. If you haven’t already, do take a moment to fill out our teensy, weensy Knotty Boy 5 Second Survey. Help us know where we’re doing great, and where we can be even better for you.

And expect fabulous things next eZine! new winter hoodies so rad you’re going to DIE, and possibly, POSSIBLY a brand-new website by then that will do nothing short of blow your minds. Seriously. We’re working as fast as we can on it… stay tuned!!

We love you, Knotty kids - have a safe and happy HalloWEENY!
(ha! managed to sneak in one more.) xoxo

The Knotty Boy Crew
Empowering the world, one head at a time.

www.knottyboy.com